I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
