yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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