I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
