Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
