Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
