I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
