my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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