Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
