He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
