it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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