I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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