Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
