I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Boobs speak an international language.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
