Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
