P.S. I can't hear my feet
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize