Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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