Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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