Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
