In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
