Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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