In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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