i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
