I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
