Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
