Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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