new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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