Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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