I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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