So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
