you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
