There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
