What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
