You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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