I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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