Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
