Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
