Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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