when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
