just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
