there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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