hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
