My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
