i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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