That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
