the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
