I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
