dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
