dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
