it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
time to smoke my breakfast
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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