Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
