I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I CAN MOONWALK!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
