Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
