i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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