How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
