you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
