some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize