Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How's work?
Spinning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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