Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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