So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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