haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
