Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
