Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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