is your mom at the bar?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
