We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
