So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
