Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
