HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
