omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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