You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
