I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
