It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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