buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
