You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
