Do you still have your period?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
